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The world’s most important question #4

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In Chuck Klosterman’s collection of essays, “Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs,” the author asks 23 philosophical questions that demand to be answered. I originally posed these questions on my Facebook and received some excellent answers. Here is the question and the best responses I received. If you’d like to contribute, then please continue this dialog in the comments section. The only rules are to be respectful of others. That is all I ask. And now, the first most important question.

4) Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and – most notably – a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblockable” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

You are the commisiioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

(my own addition: You may substitute the Raiders for the Detroit Lions if you wish)Patrick Williams – No, the genetic differentiation between humans and gorillas is too great to count the “super gorilla” as human.

What bothers me about this question is that it presupposes that a “no” answer, like the one I’ve just given, places a person in the “animal-hating” group by animal rights activists.

For what I think is a more interesting question involving who can participate in _human_ sports, check out this article on South African runner Caster Semenya: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/aug/20/germaine-greer-caster-semenya

Mike Patton – This question is problematic. It is asked under the assumption that a human would be dumb enough to compete against another species. My understanding of sport is that even competing against homo erectus would be as completely asinine as this question proposes. The physical differences need not be listed for intelligent folk. We don’t even allow both genders to compete against each other so while this is an affront to women it remains a purposefully line drawing question or utterly idiotic.

Michael Frizell – You mean gorillas aren’t aloud to play already? Huh.

I thought the point of team sports, besides creating neanderthals with an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a paycheck larege enough to help them compensate for definciences in other areas (no…I’m not bitter…why?) was to instill in some the qualities of leadership. Isn’t that what your old PE coach used to try to sell as he stood proudly in his much too tight polyester shorts as you sat, shivering, in a dingy locker room smelling vaguely of ass and corn chips?

I think, in all seriousness, that the literal 700-pound gorilla in the room is whether someone (or something) with an IQ of 85 is capable of rationale, and moral, thought. If you look closer at the question, this beastie has a “vague sense of self-awareness.” This, however, doesn’t mean it has a human sense of values. I just don’t feel it’s intelligent enough, or “human” enough, to be involved in a team sport where others could be injured.


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